Day 13

Day 13/Tea

Started the day with tea. It did not hurt my stomach like coffee.
 Day 13/Meal 1 - Toast, margarine, sharp cheddar, fried egg, and bacon.

white toast with sharp cheddar and margarine, half a fried egg and some bacon. I made 2 of these but only ate one because I was upset this a.m. This is actually one of the first times ever, I didn't finish all the food on my plate. I always used to emotional/stress eat but I actually read that eating is not a natural reaction to stress - it's actually loss of appetite. How interesting. Anyways I just had one and wasn't super full but wasn't hungry but I packed a snack. So we good.

Day 13/Snack - Cliff Bar

Was hungry at 3:15 so I had this mint cliff bar I was craving. It wasn't a yummy as I remember it tasting, but I did finish it all.

Day 13/Meal 2 - Macaroni and cheese with ketchup and hot sauce. 

I ran out to the store, and came back at 7:15 and ate supper. I started eating at about a level 3 of hunger. Last night when I had the mac and cheese it was sort of bland, so I added hot sauce and ketchup. I left a giant bite behind which makes me happy. 

Day 13/Dessert - Chocolate covered pretzel and maple sugar cookie.

On the way back from the store, I was tying to convince myself that I wanted to just eat maple sugar cookies for supper. And I could have done that, and I gave myself permission to do that. But I knew that it wouldn't make me feel all that great. I also thought that if I ate supper first, and then a dessert I would feel more satisfied with less of the dessert so that's what I did. The first thing I thought when I bought these were woaaaaah here is trouble. These are some dangerous binge foods for me. I usually sit and binge eat these sugar cookies like a deranged psycho. Today I opted for one of each. I ate the cookie and enjoyed it. I took two bites of the pretzel and I was like nope. This does not taste worth it to me. I'm not gonna waste my precious hunger on something that isn't delicious. I switched it out for a second cookie. About half way through the second cookie I was probably good and could have stopped but I finished it. But I am so so proud of not finishing the pretzel and I will give the rest away because they're not worth my time. In the past I just would have binged cause they were there. Feeling good! After dessert and supper I am a level 8 - Full.

Day 13/Dessert 2 - Mini donuts and cotton candy ice cream

I was hungry when I got home so I had 5 mini donuts and skimmed the carton of cotton candy ice cream. I feel full now. While eating these two things I felt panicked in my heart a little bit like am I going to get enough before I get full? Am I going to be satisfied? What if I want more? What if I want to over eat? What if I can't stop? I had to remind myself that it's okay and there's lot of days and lots of food and lots of times I'm going to be hungry. I also feel guilty sometimes for coming home and eating food like this. But that is something I'm trying hard to move away from. Like okay so I had 5 donuts and a skimming of ice cream. What would a binge look like instead? That whole carton of ice cream with whipped cream sprayed on top? A whole bag of chips? An entire bag of twizzlers? An entire pack of sugar cookies? A bowl of junk cereal? Feeling so full I feel sick and like my belly button is going to explode? So when I put it into perspective giving into my one or two cravings until I no longer feel obsessed with them seems like the better option no?