Day 4
Day 4/Meal 1 - Cherry Cheesecake, and Cotton Candy Ice cream.
You know what is hard about IE at first? Is letting yourself have what you actually want. Like... I feel like eating icecream for breakfast is not the best idea? But at the same time... I am trying to get rid of the stigma I give certain foods, and remove the power I give to them. I didn't get hungry for 'breakfast' or for 'lunch' we went to pick up our groceries, and on the way back, I asked to go to my fave icecream place. I teetered between getting 1 scoop and 2. I knew I probably would be fine with 1... but I wanted 2 dammit! I told myself I could get two and not finish it if I got full and didn't want anymore. I got Cherry Cheesecake and Cotton Candy. I liked the Cotton Candy more... so I tried to eat more it. Once we pulled into the garage, I knew I had probably had enough, there was half of a scoop left. I considered not eating it, but was struggling. I went inside and left it on the table and tried to forget about it, but I couldn't. I ate it all... and was full and probably shouldn't have finished it but it was delicious.
Day 4 Meal 1.5 - Fresh Mango Salsa and Chips
While at the store, Erik and I picked up this AMAZING looking fresh Mango Salsa. He wanted to try it right away, and I didn't want to be weird and not try it, so I took about 5 chips worth and ate it, even though I wasn't hungry anymore at all. It was okay... but not amazing. I walked away from the counter and told him "I'm good! I am done!"
Day 4 Meal 2 - Potatoes, skewers, carrots and corn on the BBQ.
Erik and I planned to make an EPIC supper. Cheesy potatoes, carrots, corn and kabobs on the BBQ! It was really delicious! It's not what I would have chosen, but I can't eat random stuff all the time, I need to have some normal meals with my husband LOL. I ate the potatoes first, they were AMAZING. Then I ate the corn, SUPER YUM. Then I ate the carrots.. which I should not have even taken because I don't like carrots. Then I ate 3 kabobs, which I wasn't really hungry for, but I ate them compulsively because they were in front of me. I didn't like the meat, so I shouldn't have eaten that. I was definitely full at the end of this. I don't really think I listened to my hunger cues, I just ate what I wanted to.. or didn't want to... I just kept eating.
Day 4 Meal 2.5 - Chocolate filled croissant
After supper, I was going to 'wait until I was hungry' before eating dessert as I was full but I think to be truly satisfied after a meal... I need to something sweet. This chocolate croissant DID NOT DISAPPOINT! Even though I was extremely full, I still ate it and it still tasted absolutely delicious. I enjoyed every second. Once I finished it I was then uncomfortably full.
Then came binge # 1 in this journey.
After supper, Erik played video games, and I had the dog for about 3 hours. I was pretty bored, and sort of waiting for Erik to be done playing games so that we could watch TV together.
At one point I wandered upstairs, and just started eating.I kept thinking about that last ginger cookie I wanted so bad even though I was already uncomfortably full. I went and ate it, then wandered over to the cupboard and had 3 marshmallows. I stood there and realized I was doing exactly what was in the book, eating a variety of items, trying to satisfy my palate. I did breathe in and out and tell myself it's okay. It is okay. You can eat again later. I then went and had a few pieces of salami. Then I had a chocolate bar. I did sit to eat the chocolate bar. Then I ate a bagel dipped in cream cheese. At this point I was able to walk away and distract myself.
Later, when Erik became free to watch TV - I "ate cuz I ate" I said I already went nuts, so I am going to eat even more. So that's when I ate pistachios, salt and vinegar chips, another chocolate bar, and a cinnamon bun. Just being honest here guys. This is what my life is like right now. I felt so full I literally felt pressure behind my belly button.
I think I first ate because I was bored. Problem number 1. Then I ate because I think of the 'eat only when you're hungry rule' because I felt sort of panicked? Like I couldn't only eat when I was hungry next and that might only be in like 4-5 hours and there were so many yummy things I wanted to eat before then. Then I feel like I was also stress eating a little bit because I sort of don't trust that I will lose weigh in this process, and that I might eventually go back to doing weight watchers and subconsciously I can hear this and it panics me with restriction again.
I am not entirely sure how to fix it. How to calm myself down and promise to myself that no, I won't do this to myself again I will not diet again.
Day 4 Meal 1.5 - Fresh Mango Salsa and Chips
Day 4 Meal 2 - Potatoes, skewers, carrots and corn on the BBQ.
Day 4 Meal 2.5 - Chocolate filled croissant
Then came binge # 1 in this journey.
After supper, Erik played video games, and I had the dog for about 3 hours. I was pretty bored, and sort of waiting for Erik to be done playing games so that we could watch TV together.
At one point I wandered upstairs, and just started eating.I kept thinking about that last ginger cookie I wanted so bad even though I was already uncomfortably full. I went and ate it, then wandered over to the cupboard and had 3 marshmallows. I stood there and realized I was doing exactly what was in the book, eating a variety of items, trying to satisfy my palate. I did breathe in and out and tell myself it's okay. It is okay. You can eat again later. I then went and had a few pieces of salami. Then I had a chocolate bar. I did sit to eat the chocolate bar. Then I ate a bagel dipped in cream cheese. At this point I was able to walk away and distract myself.
Later, when Erik became free to watch TV - I "ate cuz I ate" I said I already went nuts, so I am going to eat even more. So that's when I ate pistachios, salt and vinegar chips, another chocolate bar, and a cinnamon bun. Just being honest here guys. This is what my life is like right now. I felt so full I literally felt pressure behind my belly button.
I think I first ate because I was bored. Problem number 1. Then I ate because I think of the 'eat only when you're hungry rule' because I felt sort of panicked? Like I couldn't only eat when I was hungry next and that might only be in like 4-5 hours and there were so many yummy things I wanted to eat before then. Then I feel like I was also stress eating a little bit because I sort of don't trust that I will lose weigh in this process, and that I might eventually go back to doing weight watchers and subconsciously I can hear this and it panics me with restriction again.
I am not entirely sure how to fix it. How to calm myself down and promise to myself that no, I won't do this to myself again I will not diet again.
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