Let's talk about when it gets hard

Sometimes it's so hard to have confidence and love yourself and your body. I'm usually a size 10 in pants. At my lowest weight ever, I was a size 8. Even after losing 50 lbs I only ever went down that one size. I went to the store today because I feel like I don't have enough pants and I felt so defeated. Nothing looked good on me, tons of things I could hardly pull up over my thighs. I tried on a range of sizes (usually I'm a medium) and even larges didn't fit (even though I'm wearing a medium right now) it was hard, and it was frustrating and it's scary and it's tough. Because you wanna trust this process and you want to believe in yourself and that you're doing the right thing and it's hard! But I have to remind myself that I hate shopping for clothes; that every time I buy clothes no matter my size there's stuff that doesn't fit me, and even sizes are different between different styles and brands. It's also my tom, I feel bloated and was hot. So I just need to relax. It's my weigh in tomorrow and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. It's so hard trying to guess how much you weigh by just looking into the mirror. It plays games with me for sure. Sometimes I think my belly has gotten bigger, but other times I look down and don't even see my belly sticking out. Sometimes I swear the flab under my chin is slimming out and sometimes it feels like I have 1000 chins. I am scared to try on my size 10 jeans incase they don't fit anymore because then I know I've gained weight but just because I have gained weight doesn't mean 'it's not working' the only way to succeed at IE is to have a healthy relationship with food, and that my friend, I am starting to do.

On a positive note... I bought some surprising things at the grocery store tonight.

What is in this picture is 'what I was craving' it's a little different than cupcakes and cookies isn't it? Craving big thick slices of bakery bread, artichoke dip, guacamole and macaroni salad and an apple. See? Things are changing stuff is happening.

On a second positive note.... 

Last night I found 2 chocolate bars sitting on my bedside table -- and remembered that they've been laying there for literally 6 days - not tempting me.